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Time flies when you're alive. [17 Jan 2007|06:52pm] Tomorrow's my birthday. I'll be sixteen. Exactly sixteen years ago tomorrow, the doctor was telling my mom that they would have to perform a C Section to take me out seeing as I was ten days overdue. Sixteen years ago tomorrow, my mom was wheeled into the Operating room of a private hospital in Istanbul and a few hours later, I was breathing and crying and moving and feeling. I've been alive for sixteen years but I remember no more than ten years of that.  I have graduation ahead of me, then college, then university, a career, a husband, kids, family vacations, anniversaries, grand kids, and so much more. I can't wait. 2 comments|post comment

Maybe it is love. But what strange love. [03 Jan 2007|12:48pm] [ music | Muse; Mars Volta; Jack Johnson ] I think maybe it didn't mean as much to you as it did to me. But that doesn't matter, as long as it meant something to me. It's like seeing a movie with someone, and that person doesn't get as much out of it as you do. You can't force them to feel the same way about it. All you can do is treasure the time you spent with them while watching it; the tears you shared if it was a sad movie; the laughter you shared if it was comedic. Does that make sense? When I read back what I wrote, it doesn't sound as clear as it did in my head. Maybe there's just no way to explain what I really feel. I've decided to see my experience with you as a life lesson. That way, it's less emotional for me to bring back memories, and I can move on easier; faster. My imagination still tries to conjure up images of you and I together in the future; building the life we planned. You know they say old habits die hard, but I'm trying my best. There's this weird feeling in my chest when I think of you. It makes me want to cry for our separation, but no tears come. It makes me want to smile and laugh for our time spent together, but I can't. It makes me want to yell at the top of my lungs and break everything around me into a million pieces for the way you're ignoring me, but I can't bring myself to disturb the peace. It makes me want to do extraordinary things and throw it all in your face so that it will make you jealous (of what, I don't know) and sad for being apart from me. I can't think of any word to describe this emotion. Maybe I'll just invent a new word for it. Here's something funny. When I first said that I liked you, you know when you made your friend make me record it on his phone because you didn't believe me, well I didn't really mean it then. I only said it because everyone said you were in love with me and I thought I could fool around with you for a bit. Then my heart had to go and attach itself to yours and screw everything up. Actually, that's not so funny after all. If I had known this is how I would feel, I never would have said anything in the first place. ♥ post comment

Timewarp [01 Jan 2007|01:41pm] Last night, at 6pm, I looked at my clock. Since you're 6 hours ahead, that was when the clock struck midnight for you. I wondered if you were kissing someone as you moved into 2007. Do they have that tradition in France? What a stupid question, of course they must. I don't think I ever felt further away from you as I did for the next 6 hours because not only were we separated by the Atlantic, we were also separated by time. I guess it's time for me to accept the fact that what we had, we'll never have again and maybe, just maybe, it didn't mean as much to you as you said it did. And as much as it pains me, I have to accept the fact that you've probably found someone else, although you won't tell me. I just have one thing to ask of you; Remember me. Remember my kisses; my smell; my taste; my voice. Remember the colour of my hair; the colour of my eyes. Remember the way our fingers entwined so perfectly. Remember our first kiss, and how you worked up the courage to kiss my cheek before you could kiss me on the lips. Remember how we saw the same shooting star at the same time, and made a wish. Remember how we would playfight in the water. Remember how I said I love you and you said I love you, and we both meant it. Remember how you carved J'taime and I carved I love you on the wall in the market. Remember how, on your last day, you wanted to put me in your suitcase and take me back with you. You were joking but I took you seriously. Remember how we made plans to run away when we both turned 18. Remember these things the next time you're with a girl and remember that no other will love you like I have. Don't throw that away. 2 comments|post comment

New year, new world? [28 Dec 2006|10:51am] [ music | Massive Attack ] I get really optimistic at times. I dream a lot. I dream of many things. I wish to see the world. I don't want to die before I have covered every single square meter of this lovely planet. I dream of seeing Paris from the top of the Eiffel Tower; seeing London from a bird's eyeview. I dream of becoming a cat as I silently walk through the narrow streets of Rome. I dream of seeing Times Square at night. Again. I dream of dipping my feet into the Pacific Ocean off the coast of Australia and then ripping my clothes off and jumping in the water. I dream of finding the lost city of Atlantis; making friends with the merpeople. I dream of seeing the Amazon, to see if tree nymphs do exist. I dream of discovering the route to Neverland so that I may visit it whenever I yearn for childhood. I dream of saving the world. I dream of one day helping the children in Africa. I want to give every single community their own working well so that they can all have access to clean drinking water. I want to give them all a school in which they can learn anything their heart desires. I want to provide them with the medication they need. I dream of going to the Middle East and just stopping all the conflict that is going on there. I wish all the Jews and the Christians and the Muslims to realize that we all believe in the same one God. I dream of posessing superpowers for the merest fraction of a second so that I may put George Bush and the entire presidential office in the place of Iraqi civilians for a day. Then they can see if they're really winning the war or just causing a lot of unnecessary pain and death. I dream of reversing the effects we've had on our environment. I wish to take the Kyoto Protocol and whack every world leader over the head with it until they actually follow it. I realize how foolish my dreams may seem because after all, don't we all want that? Do we? Or do we just say we do so that our conscience can feel satisfied with having done our part about being 'globally aware'? Face it, as long as we make it seem like we care, as long as we shed a few tears for the montages we see on the news, no one really expects more from us. So why not surprise the world by actually doing something? Thus, here's what I resolve to do in the new year; 2007:           I resolve to make my voice heard. Not just in my school, or in my community or in my province. I won't rest until the whole world listens to what I have to say.           I resolve to make a change. I'm not naive. I don't expect to see anything drastically different in my lifetime but I can get the ball rolling. So join me. Make your own resolution; make a change in the world. I know I've made some hefty commitments but if 100 other people felt the same way and had the willpower to take action, think of the power we'd have. post comment

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